Alive
by anneryn7
Summary: AU. Bensaro. "But that doesn't mean that you have to handle this alone. I'm here. Let me be here for you, Liv. No one can handle everything alone. Everyone needs help sometimes. Let me help you." He tried. He cupped my cheek and I looked over at him. "Nick, this isn't a good idea…" I warned him. He crept closer and I didn't move to stop him.


**A/N: Alright all, this is my first SVU fic. I love Bensaro and there aren't nearly enough fics about them out there. Hopefully, this isn't too terrible! Let me know what you think! Sorry if the characters are too OOC! There will probably be more oneshots to come and probably a Benson/Barba story or two.**

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 **Background: Takes place during season 15, during "** _ **Criminal Stories**_ **." (Before Lewis escapes from prison)**

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 **I DO NOT OWN** _ **LAW & ORDER: SVU**_ **OR THE CHARACTERS.**

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I paced my office, with my jaw clenched. Jimmy Mac is making Heba's case a living nightmare. It's bad enough that Heba lied about the details of the attack and now Jimmy won't keep his big mouth out of this. What a pompous asshole. I'm at my wit's end. I haven't had a break in God knows how long. As acting commander, someone always needs something and it's wearing me down. Cassidy and I were rocky at best. I called it quits two days ago. I couldn't handle the shadow our relationship had become. He was always gone. The distance and the toll it took had become too much.

"Liv, can I have a minute?" I jumped, when I heard Nick's voice behind me. I took a deep breath and turned around to face him. I saw concern wash over his face, as soon as he took in my appearance. "Hey, if now is a bad time, I can always come back later…" He offered. I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair.

"It's no worse, than any other time, Nick." I assured him, exhaustion seeping into my voice. "I can't even remember the last time that I got more than four hours of sleep. I'm running on fumes. I'm exhausted." I sighed. He walked over to me and looked like he wanted to say something.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked me. I knew he was trying to help and that his heart was in the right place, but he has more than enough on his plate, as it is. We're still short-handed.

"Clone me?" I joked. Nick cracked a smile.

"I would, if I could." He laughed.

"What do you need?" I asked him, reminding him that he had come into my office for something.

"Don't worry about it, Liv. I can handle it. I'll check in with you later." I watched him leave and sighed, quietly.

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I watched Heba fall apart as she gave her testimony on the stand. I broke something inside of me. The jury has already decided she was guilty. I saw Jimmy and I couldn't contain my anger. Something inside of me snapped and I couldn't reel it in. I ripped him a new one and let him have a piece of my mind.

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After everything was said in done, I was in awe that things had actually almost worked out. I was walking home after having a celebratory drink with Jimmy. It's a miracle that he even changed his tune. I just hope Heba can find a way to find peace after everything that has happened.

My phone rang and I answered it, without looking at it. "Benson," I greeted.

"Hey Liv, how ya holdin' up?" Nick's voice filled my ear.

"Hey Nick, I'm okay. How are you?" I replied, finally reaching my apartment door.

"How are you _**really**_ , Liv?" He saw through my flimsy lie. I sighed into my phone.

"I've been better, Nick." I told him, quietly.

"You wanna talk about it?" He offered. I sucked in a breath and debated if I wanted to talk about it or not. "Look, I'll grab a couple bottles of wine and some takeout. I'll meet you at your place in a half an hour. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great, actually." I admitted.

"Great. I'll see you then." He ended the call. Was that the right decision? I really don't know. It's too late to change my mind now. I changed out of my work clothes and decided on a quick shower.

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I heard him knock on my door, as soon as I had put on a comfortable change of clothes. I opened the door and let Nick in.

"Hey Liv, I hope pizza is okay?" He gestured to the box in his hand. I smiled.

"Pizza sounds great. Thanks Nick, you really didn't have to do all of this." I raked a hand through my still wet hair.

"Anything for my partner," he winked and shot me a smile. I laughed and went into the kitchen to get us wine glasses. "What's on your mind, Liv?" He pried.

"Would you believe me, if I said everything?" I sighed as Nick uncorked one of the bottles of wine, he had brought with him.

"Okay, so talk to me about it. You're always so busy checkin' on us. Who's checkin' on you?" His question hit a little too close to home.

"Why don't we have some pizza first?" I tried to delay the inevitable. Talking about what I'm feeling makes me feel more vulnerable, than I'd like. I grabbed some plates for the pizza, while Nick poured the wine. I carried the plates and pizza into the living room. I set them on the coffee table, while Nick brought in the wine. He handed me a glass and I handed him a plate. We ate in a comfortable silence. "I knew that being acting commander of SVU would be a lot of work, but I underestimated the strain that it would put on me. Things with Brian… I knew that they wouldn't last, but I didn't think that we would grow apart so fast. We… ended things a few days ago. And I'm still dealing with the aftermath of what happened with Lewis. It's just a lot to deal with." I explained quietly. I finished my glass of wine and Nick poured me another.

"Why didn't you tell me? I understand that you're my superior, but we're still partners, Liv. I have your back. It doesn't matter what you have going on. You should've told me. Especially, after you had my back with the shooting." He lamented. I nodded. He's right. I know he's right. That doesn't make this any easier.

"I didn't want to seem weak. It's hard enough trying to open up to my therapist about things. What was I supposed to say? I can handle this." I argued.

"But that doesn't mean that you have to handle this alone. I'm here. Let me be here for you, Liv. No one can handle everything alone. Everyone needs help sometimes. Let me help you." He tried. He cupped my cheek and I looked over at him.

"Nick, this isn't a good idea…" I warned him. He crept closer and I didn't move to stop him. I've been so lonely. Even with Brian, I felt like I was alone. I can't deny my attraction to Nick. That doesn't make it right.

"Why isn't it?" He pressed. His lips touched mine and I felt a spark ignite between us.

"I'm your superior. You said it yourself." I whispered, against his lips.

"We'll find a way to make it work." He kissed me again. I pulled away from him.

"The age difference…" I murmured. "There is so much wrong with this." I shook my head.

"It doesn't matter, Liv. None of that matters. Maria and I are separated. I've wanted this for a long time. I've wanted _**you**_." He pulled me back towards him, until I was against his chest. "Don't you know how beautiful you are?" This time, when he kissed me, I gave him. Everything he said… just made me want this even more. We're not hurting anyone. Can it really be that wrong? When he kissed me, he made me feel like I was the only woman in the world he wanted to see. He made me things that I haven't felt in so long. He makes me feel _**alive**_.


End file.
